Phil Harmonic
[Verse 1]
We met at the premiere
My first name's Mal
Last name Function
Once you get to know me
You'll probably file for an injunction
I never read an owners manual
I improvise at will
If common sense was measured
I'd be “the fool on the hill”
[Pre-Chorus]
I'm the reason warning labels
Are several pages long
Every day's an adventure
Another week I don’t belong
[Chorus]
I’m licensed for chaos
Certifiably insane
If normal was compulsory
I’d have to change my name
I’m Licensed to malfunction
Impossible to tame
If things are fine
Just give me time…
But do be aware….
I’ll never accept the blame
[Instrumental]
[Verse]
I've got a license to malfunction
An official seal of doom
Every time I fix a problem
Another appears inside the room
I’m licensed to malfunction
As reliable as a chestnut tree
If normal ever takes a vacation
You can always count on me.
[Pre-Chorus]
I'm the reason warning labels
Are several pages long
Every day's an adventure
Another week I don’t belong
[Chorus]
I’m licensed for chaos
Certifiably insane
If normal was compulsory
I’d have to change my name
I’m Licensed to malfunction
Impossible to tame
If things are fine
Just give me time…
But do be aware….
I’ll never accept the blame
[Interlude]
[Verse]
I put diesel in a petrol van
Locked the keys inside
Pressed "Reply to All" by accident
And now I have to hide
If disaster needs directions
You know I’m already there
If Murphy’s law’s operational
I’d be employee of the year
[Pre-Chorus]
I'm the reason warning labels
Are several pages long
Every day's an adventure
Another week another song
[Chorus]
I’m licensed for chaos
Certifiably insane
If normal was compulsory
I’d have to change my name
I’m Licensed to malfunction
Impossible to tame
If things are fine
Just give me time…
But do be aware….
I’ll never accept the blame
[Interlude]
[Verse]
My date is Miss Behavin'
I suspect she's a sadist
She wants a sweaty session
In the back of my Mercedes
If we have a child
It may inherit my condition
There's no cure... it's chronic
But on the plus side...
If we had a boy...
We could call him...
Phil Harmonic!
[Outro]